IELTS essay Band 8 Matter: Younger individuals more and more spend their free time in purchasing centres (constructive/adverse)
In lots of nations, younger individuals more and more spend their free time in purchasing centres as a substitute of participating in conventional leisure actions reminiscent of sports activities or music. Do you suppose it is a constructive or adverse growth?
Spending time at purchasing centres has turn out to be a standard pastime for a lot of younger individuals around the globe, usually changing extra lively or artistic spare time activities like taking part in sports activities or studying music. I imagine it is a largely adverse pattern, because it not solely promotes consumerism and sedentary life, but additionally reduces alternatives for private development and talent growth that extra significant hobbies can present.
There are a number of explanation why this shift in leisure preferences is regarding. First, purchasing centres encourage a tradition of spending, usually main younger individuals to equate happiness with materials possessions. This will foster poor monetary habits from an early age and create long-term points reminiscent of debt or dissatisfaction. Furthermore, purchasing is often a passive exercise that lacks the bodily or psychological engagement present in sports activities or musical coaching. Over time, this sedentary behaviour can contribute to well being issues reminiscent of weight problems, nervousness, or low power ranges.
In distinction, conventional hobbies like sports activities or music should not solely enriching but additionally assist develop important life expertise. As an example, taking part in staff sports activities fosters cooperation, self-discipline, and resilience, whereas studying a musical instrument enhances focus and emotional expression. These actions additionally present a way of accomplishment and id, that are essential for younger individuals’s shallowness and psychological wellbeing. Selecting purchasing over these pursuits, younger individuals could miss out on such precious developmental advantages.
In conclusion, whereas visiting purchasing centres sometimes will not be inherently dangerous, the rising pattern of changing enriching actions with consumer-focused ones is a adverse growth. I imagine that encouraging younger individuals to have interaction in sports activities, music, or different skill-based leisure actions is way extra useful for his or her long-term private and social growth.
Trainer’s suggestions:
It is a well-developed and clearly argued essay that might seemingly rating round Band 8.
Process Response: Band 8
You absolutely handle the duty and current a transparent place all through: that the shift towards purchasing centres as a type of leisure is a adverse growth. Your opinion is well-supported with related and considerate causes, together with the impacts on well being, private growth, and client tradition. The reason of how conventional actions profit younger individuals is especially robust. To push even larger, you may briefly acknowledge particular explanation why purchasing centres have turn out to be in style, to indicate deeper perception into the causes behind the pattern.
Coherence and Cohesion: Band 8
Your essay is well-organised, with easy development from one concept to the following. Matter sentences clearly sign every paragraph’s focus, and logical connectors (e.g. “in distinction,” “furthermore,” “whereas”) are used successfully. The ultimate sentence of your conclusion restates your view nicely, although including a quick abstract of your details would make it really feel extra rounded and last. In any other case, cohesion is robust and pure.
Lexical Useful resource: Band 8
Your vocabulary is exact and diverse, exhibiting a great command of educational and topic-specific language. Phrases like “tradition of spending,” “consumer-focused,” and “private development and talent growth” are wonderful. There’s good use of collocations and summary nouns to precise complicated concepts clearly. To hit Band 9, you possibly can take just a few extra lexical dangers with idiomatic or metaphorical language, the place applicable.
Grammatical Vary and Accuracy: Band 8
Your grammar is persistently correct, with a variety of constructions used flexibly and appropriately. Advanced sentences are dealt with with ease, and punctuation is nicely managed. One sentence — “Selecting purchasing over these pursuits, younger individuals could miss out…” — is barely awkward in construction; rephrasing it (e.g. “By selecting purchasing over these pursuits, younger individuals could miss out…”) would enhance fluency. It is a minor challenge, although, in an in any other case robust grammatical efficiency.
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