There is a Gap in My Sidewalk

There isn’t a proof that Albert Einstein mentioned, “The definition of madness is doing the identical factor over and over and anticipating totally different outcomes,” though he typically will get credit score for it. Novelist Rita Mae Brown was the primary to make use of it in print, though she most likely discovered it from Alcoholics Nameless.

The Woodland Park Cooperative Preschool is housed within the decrease stage of the Fremont Baptist Church, a congregation that serves its neighborhood by offering house for a number of 12-step applications. There was one very early morning group that met in a room adjoining to the college rooms and shared our kitchen house. As I ready for the youngsters, I attempted to honor their privateness, however I could not assist however overhear a lot of what was mentioned. Through the years, I received to know a number of of the regulars fairly properly and, to some extent, I used to be thought-about an “honorary” member of the group.

That quote about madness punctuated most of the tales individuals instructed of their struggles, normally expressed as an if-I-didn’t-laugh-I might-cry-all-day joke. It by no means failed to lift a chuckle of recognition.

I am grateful for that distinctive expertise of getting ready for the youngsters in opposition to the background of those tales of former kids. I could not assist however consider it that means. Clearly, I attempt to “train” or assist elevate the youngsters in my care to keep away from the lure of dependancy, to guard them, to equip them with the coping abilities and vanity that I hoped would enable them to not fall into this explicit model of “madness.” On the identical time, I discovered myself chuckling alongside as properly. This is not only a warning for addicts . . . Or possibly we simply have to broaden our definition of what dependancy means as a result of I do not know any grownup who cannot establish with the sentiment, who hasn’t discovered themselves as soon as extra digging themselves out of a well-recognized deep gap.

Final night time, my spouse and I went to an open mic occasion to assist a good friend. There have been a pair dozen performers, one among whom recited a poem by Portia Nelson known as “There is a Gap in My Sidewalk.” It made us chortle. It sounded acquainted and never simply because its message was common. This morning I awoke realizing the place I might heard it earlier than. Years in the past, one of many AA regulars learn it to the group. It made me chuckle again then as properly.

Chapter One

I stroll down the road.

There’s a deep gap within the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I’m misplaced . . . I’m helpless.

It is not my fault.

It takes eternally to discover a means out.

Chapter Two

I stroll down the identical avenue.

There’s a deep gap within the sidewalk.

I fake I do not see it.

I fall in once more.

I am unable to consider I’m in the identical place.

However it is not my fault.

It nonetheless takes a very long time to get out.

Chapter Three

I stroll down the identical avenue.

There’s a deep gap within the sidewalk.

I see it’s there.

I nonetheless fall in . . . it is a behavior.

My eyes are open.

I do know the place I’m.

It’s my fault . . . I get out instantly.

Chapter 4

I stroll down the identical avenue.

There’s a deep gap within the sidewalk.

I stroll round it.

Chapter 5

I stroll down one other avenue.

Once we see this story enjoying out within the lives of others, as we so typically do as adults who work with younger kids, it is so painfully straightforward to see it coming. We would even shout, “Be careful for that gap!” however they fall in anyway. We’re pissed off. It could save them a lot ache if they might’ve simply listened to us. We are the adults and so they’re the youngsters so we, after all, pull them out of that gap, mud them off, bandage their wounds, and hope that they now know what they should find out about that gap within the sidewalk. However as a rule, there are extra chapters to return.

This is without doubt one of the most troublesome elements of working with younger kids. On the one hand, we all know that have is our greatest instructor. As Oscar Wilde wrote: “Expertise is the identify we give our errors.” On the identical time, we’re there to assist and most of us cannot bear sitting by as a baby suffers and struggles, so after all we assist them. We mud them off and bandage their wounds as greatest we are able to, then fear if we have one way or the other, in our solicitude, prevented them from studying what they wanted to be taught.

One of many issues I do know from my years of being AA adjoining is that none of us can do it alone. Certainly, that is what 12-step applications are all about. After all, I need the youngsters in my care to develop into adults who can “stand on their very own two ft,” however on the identical time none of us are able to doing that. Not on a regular basis. All of us have our sidewalks. All of us have our holes. All of us dwell our chapters. If we at all times steer them across the holes of their sidewalk, we all know that they may promptly fall within the second we cease holding their hand. However on the identical time, who’s going to let a baby fall right into a gap? It is tempting to wish to assist by skipping forward to Chapter 5, however that is not the means tales or studying works. With out these center chapters the ending is meaningless. 

It is a difficult steadiness that we stroll as essential adults within the lives of youngsters. More often than not, I discover it in viewing my function as a colleague or fellow traveller. I share my very own expertise as we go alongside by mentioning the holes that I can see, however I am conscious that there are an infinite variety of holes that I am unable to see. Life is about falling into them and climbing again out: that is the place the training is. It is arduous, certain, and painful, but when it is rendered rather less so if we do not have to do it alone. If nothing else, that provides us somebody with whom to chuckle as we begin digging ourselves out, as a result of, , it is a fairly good joke.

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